The 4 Phases of Creating Healthy Habits

"Health Keeping is made simple by discovering the 4 natural phases of Habit building and aligning with them." Coach Patti Wohlin

Why do many people struggle with building healthy habits—and what makes the few who succeed so different?

Over time, we all develop new skills, build new habits, and make changes to our behavior through a universal, natural process. Each of us have experienced this process that is made up of four basic phases, whether we knew it at the time or not.  Dig deep into your memory and recall forming a habit or behavior that is now on autopilot. For example, what do you remember from your process of learning to drive a car?

Meet my grandson, Logan. A few years ago, during the pandemic lock down, he began learning to drive the shiny blue and white Mini Cooper that his parents purchased as his first car. Being wise parents, they knew that giving him a 6-speed stick shift would increase the training time needed for building safe driving skills.

Even though Logan was pleased and proud of his new car, he felt a great deal of hesitance when faced with its complex 6-speed manual gearshift. He had only recently begun to feel confident while driving his parents’ Honda SUV with automatic transmission. The addition of the stick shift dampened the confidence he had built.

He began to second guess himself, overthink, and struggle to look good on the outside while feeling overwhelmed and defeated on the inside. The struggle began to unfold in his private logic. An inner conflict raged between his smart, strong, capable side and his less secure, younger self facing a daunting new life-threatening task.

We often experience conflicting feelings.

He was, after all, a disciplined competitive swimmer and an honor student. One of the biggest factors pressing on him was the innate knowing that his and other people’s lives would depend on his performance. Despite the compassionate coaching from his parent team, the inner pressure and conflict grew. He was constantly met with new situations like discovering that when it rains the streets get slippery requiring slower speeds and more space when following a car.

Then there is the DMV version of how to manage a 4-way stop compared to the reality of how drivers perform and either do or do not follow these guidelines. He was discovering that there is no complete training manual for driving, it requires trial and error.

Logan was facing a humbling reality that visits most teens and adults. He was becoming aware of the fact that no matter how much education and experience you have; you do not know what you do not know! How you use this concept in your personal logic depends greatly on what kind of support exists in your environment. A common approach to learning is shaming and blaming- “You ought to know better” versus a more compassionate and realistic recognition of the natural learning process.

Lucky for Logan, he has wise, compassionate, and supportive parents, who gave him enough room for trial and error, but created safety zones for these experiments. They provided enough repetition and time for new lessons to address the nuances as they arose. He was given the information and emotional support he needed to build his skill. He was also given the space to discover his own way for making decisions and build the muscle memory he needed to drive with competence and safety. Over the period of several months, he was ready for his driving test, and he passed with flying colors!

“In any given moment we have two options:

to step forward into growth or step back into safety.”

Abraham Maslow

Let’s review the unfolding of the 4 phases of Creating Healthy Habits. Once you recognize this natural, innate pattern of learning a skill or building a habit, then you have an internal pool of empathy and compassion for yourself and others in any learning process. 

4 Phases of Creating Healthy Habits

Phase 1: Unconscious incompetence: You do not know that you do not know. You cannot see what you cannot see. (Innocence, unaware)

Phase 2: Conscious incompetence: Now you see, feel, and know about your incompetence and you begin to catch yourself in the act! Alert, wake up! Repeat catching yourself in the moments when the need for a better habit is palpable. Get ready to make a change. (Self-awareness) 

Phase 3: Conscious competence: Now you begin researching, planning for, and practicing the new habit. This includes getting clear on your desired outcome and identifying needs or any related strengths and weaknesses. Also, you look for effective teachers, support, and accountability mechanisms to build success while practicing the new habit. This phase requires effort and conscious attention.  (Concentration, repetition, effort, awkward stage.)

Phase 4: Unconscious competence: Now you practice the preferred habit automatically. (Autopilot and flow)

"Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes."

Hugh Prather

                Click here: Free Guide 4 Steps to Healthy Habits                        

Reflecting: What do you remember from your process of learning to drive a car?

The experience of learning to drive presents a mixed bag of emotions.

1. Unconscious Incompetence: Teenage bravado and the opportunity for a new level of freedom tempts us to feel over-confident. Even so, self-doubt battles with over-confidence while learning to drive.  During this step, innocence and naivety are prevalent because: You do not know what you do not know. 
2.  Conscious Incompetence: Even though learning to drive is exciting, it turns into mild terror when you pull out of the gas station driveway into traffic and hear screeching tires, horns honking, and screams from the adult sitting next to you and in the car behind you. Oh! Wake up! 
3. Conscious Competence: Driving lessons and practice occurs with adult supervision. Repeated experience in the driver’s seat is the only way to ensure your skill development, which parents know means survival for anyone on the road or in the car. Linear effort and concentration meet self-doubt and fear.
4. Unconscious Competence: Repeated practice and correction create the muscle memory and mastery of multiple moments that develop your skill of safe driving. You eventually get your license and can even drive safely while listening to music. Ease and flow begin to show.

   Here is a gift for you; a handout to remind you of the “4 Steps to Creating Healthy Habits”

          Click here: Free Guide 4 Steps to Healthy Habits